Things I have learned today

About my dog:

– he knows how to open drawers and doors
– he knows where the food is
– when I come home, he does look guilty while I keep standing on the doorstep, totally stunned

– he likes toast and will happily eat a whole loaf plus a whole container of lard
– he dislikes white gummibears but will gulp down some other sweet stuff complete with its packaging
– he doesn’t care for the chewing bone on his blanket though
– stuff he rips open but does not eat: cake mix, flour, baking soda, salt, pasta
– he cannot relate his actions to later puking and/or diarrhea

– secretely he wants to be Taz (to quote Wikipedia: “Taz is constantly hungry and devours everything, animate or inanimate. His efforts to find more food are always a central plot device of his cartoons.”)

– you basically cannot leave him alone because you can never tell when he’s going to behave badly and it’s not a matter of how long you’re gone

– a long walk before leaving him alone will not increase the chances of him behaving
– he knows how to turn a good day into a bad one
– I can actually hate him. Not him personally though, just what he did.

KEEP-CALM-POSTER-LOW_medium

Generally:

– a not correctly installed built-in fridge may prove advantageous
– luckily strained tomatoes come in sturdy packaging
– it’s always a good idea to empty the garbage before leaving the flat
– coming home is not always a happy moment
– painting your cupboards could be useless if you happen to have a dog
– experiences like these make you feel pretty much powerless

KEEP-CALM-UNION-JACK-WEB-FRONT_medium

So we haven’t talked ever since I got home today. I’m not sure what to do the next time I have to leave him alone (tomorrow for two lectures)… I can’t tie him to the table, I can’t lock him into the bathroom, I most certainly can’t take him with me. Ah, great, I love stuff like that, don’t you just wish you were me… Any suggestions?

Charcoal-Turquoise-Poster_medium

No card today, the food has gone away. Sorry.

posters can be bought at http://www.keepcalmandcarryon.com

About ninasays

A conference interpreter (German, English, French), living in Mannheim, Germany and taking an interest in an array of things such as papercrafting, language matters and food. Thanks for taking a look at my blog :)

5 responses to “Things I have learned today

  1. Oh Nina! I followed a link from Amber’s blog. I almost cried with laughter reading this, but only because I can entirely relate. My two dogs have done the same (and worse) over the last two years.

    I found one standing on top of the fridge once to find the cake I had hidden away from them. They empty the bin with alarming regularity (but only when I’m not here) they eat each other’s dog coats and then we got the first one, he had such bad separation anxiety that he dug and chewed through the doorframe until he could break the door down to go and find some company. Thankfully, the worst they do now is to empty the bin. It DOES get better, honest!

  2. OMG Nina – that’s freakin animals for you! didn’t realise it was this bad! had to giggle though, and I’m sure you will too. I’m sorry. My little cats do the same – but then you sort of expect them to be agile. We actually have a specific ‘anti-cat theft drawer’ in the kitchen to combat them – however – the bin still gets tipped up, the waste-disposal regularly inspected, food snatched off your plate when not looking, boxes of crackers opened, and toasting bread stolen from the toaster – luckily though I have never had all of this happen all at once! Bad Buck! No cuddles for you for a while methinks!!

  3. OK. Ist ja übel! Unser Hund war zum Glück nicht sooooo verfressen! Und meine Katze benimmt sich auch gut – ich kann Dir höchstens sagen dass man bei kleinen Kindern immer alles das nach oben stellt, was sie nicht erreichen sollen -stell Dir also Regale vor, die unten immer leerer werden, während sich oben alles stapelt und Dinge wie Mülleimer, die plötzlich auf der Waschmaschine stehen🙂 Dekorativ ist anders… Muss gleich mal in facebook nachsehen, wie Dein Übeltäter aussieht!

    Liebe Grüsse
    Vanessa

  4. Oh no! Has he done this kind of thing before? If not, I guess it could just be a one-off – maybe something startled him, and he decided to act out in response?

  5. Pingback: Why can’t we always meet under a cloud of mystery « Nina says

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